Time and Tides Archives

Tifa had arrived back some time earlier, her mind full of the things she'd heard from Matoya. But when she actually walked into the house and discovered that Cloud wasn't there, all of that was for the moment forgotten. He'd abandoned the kids to go off to Wutai with Aerith to heal Sephiroth. And neither of them had told her.

He'd lied to her, that was the worst thing; he'd made a promise and he hadn't kept it. What on earth was she supposed to think?

Tifa was sitting on the bed with her hands clenched in her lap when Cloud entered. She looked up, and spoke in the icily quiet tones of someone who was about to explode.

"Did you have a good time in Wutai, Cloud?"

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"Not really," he replied, closing the door and not even bothering to take his sword off his back to set it down.

Cloud could see how angry she was and that tone spoke volumes, but he was going to attempt to stand his ground, even if he expected it probably wouldn't work. He sighed softly, shaking his head. "Sephiroth didn't wake up." Not that she seemed particularly interested in what Sephiroth was doing or not doing right now.

Shrugging a little, Cloud crossed his arms.

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"Good," said Tifa harshly. "I hope he doesn't."

There was a pause while she fumbled for the right words - there were so many things she wanted to say, so many emotions threatening to spill out.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

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Cloud frowned at her, pausing silently for a long moment. He actually hoped Sephiroth did wake up, and that he was sane. He deserved a life as much as they did, or so Cloud thought.

Shrugging again, Cloud wandered over to the window, looking out quietly, unsure of what to say.

"You... would've just gotten mad or told me not to go."

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He wasn't even looking at her when he answered. She hated that. It reminded her of all the other times they'd argued, and Cloud's refusal to face things head-on.

Tifa stood up, her fists clenched. "So you just thought that you wouldn't tell me? You'd leave the children, go over there and come back and everything would be just fine? Didn't it occur to you that that might be worse? Keeping secrets from me? Cloud! Look at me!"

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He still didn't look at her. He kept his eyes on the window, not even watching anything in particular, just looking out the window. He frowned quietly for a long while, not saying anything at all.

"I had to go, Tifa. If I'd told you, you would've gotten... like this." He sighed and shook his head a little, his gaze lowering to the floor.

He was tired from the journey and he was fed up of everything these days. Cloud needed his escape that he used to get when he would ride Fenrir but without the bike here, he just felt choked and trapped.

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Turning the blame on her made Tifa feel both guilty and frustrated. She didn't want to argue with him, she really didn't, but she'd bottled this up for too long. Barret would tell him better than me, she thought suddenly. I have to tell him straight.

Striding over to Cloud, Tifa yanked at his arm, hoping to force him to look at her. "Then you should have faced me! Stand up for what you're going to do. If you're going to be a jerk, at least be honest about it. But no... You just ran away."

She turned away and started pacing, tears in her eyes. "Is it me, Cloud? Am I driving you away? I just... Is it too much to ask that the one time I take off and ask you to stay, you actually keep that promise?"

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A jerk?! Cloud tensed up as she yanked his arm and while he faced her physically, his gaze was still averted. "I wasn't being a jerk, I was trying to make sure that Sephiroth isn't going to turn on everyone again. How is that behaving like a jerk?"

He clenched his jaw, taking a slight step back from her. "I didn't tell you because I know what you would have said. You would tell me to stop 'being a hero' and to stay and be a dad. I care about those kids, but that's not all I am, Tifa."

Shaking his head a little, he wouldn't answer the question as to whether it was her driving him away. "It isn't too much to ask, but the situation was different. I had a right to see what had happened to Sephiroth. I'm the one who has to fight him again and again..." His voice never once raised, he remained quiet as he spoke, his gaze directed down and to the right, entirely away from her.

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Tifa shook her head angrily. "No. No, I know that. But neither am I. You go off and be a hero, and you expect me to stay at home and be a mom. You asked me to marry you! I thought you wanted us to be a real family. This house - this - this life-" She gestured around the bedroom. "This isn't what I want, not in this world. But the children are our responsibility. You can't just ignore them whenever something comes up and expect me to take up the slack, not if you won't do the same for me. I'm not asking you to choose between being a hero and being a dad, Cloud. I'm asking you to work with me... Talk to me... Please."

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"I never ignored them," he snapped, moving around her to sit on the edge of the bed, though he never actually reached the bed, and stood near it instead. His arms crossed his chest tightly and Cloud frowned down at the floor again.

He felt sick. Absolutely, gut-wrenchingly sick. "I don't expect you to stay home and be a mom. Go out, do whatever the hell you want, Tifa. We never worried about one of us always being home before we got here! When we fought the Remnants, when we fought Deepground, we never worried about where Denzel and Marlene were because they're used to this." He dropped his arms to his sides, cleching his fists. "I never once ignored them, because Firion and Cid were here. People they know and trust."

Cloud swallowed thickly, his hands curling tighter. "Just because you don't like Gaia, doesn't mean I have to hate it too. I like it here. It might be a bit mixed up, but so is the Planet. At least here... at least here, everyone I care about can be in one place!" This time? Yeah, Cloud was shouting now.

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Tifa still only knew the basics of what had happened with Deepground, so she couldn't respond to that. But as for the Remnants... "That was different! Kadaj and his gang attacked the city, they kidnapped Marlene and Denzel. We had to fight them."

She shook her head. "And that was back home. It's different here, don't you see? People can disappear at any time."

When he actually shouted at her, Tifa took a step back, her face white with shock. As his words sank in, spots of fury appeared on her cheeks. "But they're not, Cloud! Barret and Yuffie aren't here - did you forget about them? Reeve too! You think everything's going to be all right, with all the people you love back from the dead? What about Zack, huh? He appeared, great, but then he disappeared! And that's what this world is like. Anyone can disappear. That's not good - that's sick and wrong! This whole world is messed up way beyond anything back home. I've been here since last summer, Cloud, and we have to keep trying to make the best of it, but you need to wake up and realise that it's not okay."

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"Maybe it's not okay, but home isn't okay either, Tifa. Nothing is okay!" He let out a shaking breath. He wanted to just leave, he was so close to just turning around and walking out the door. He held himself back but he couldn't help himself from continuing to shout at her. He didn't shout often. It took so much to make him this angry, but he'd bottled in more than enough as well.

"I know they're not here, and I miss them too, but I'm willing to stay here because Aerith is here. Then again, even she seems to want to stay away when you and I are in the same place." He took a deep breath and looked like he was about to stop, but he didn't. He just kept going. "I know I'm a bad father to those kids, and I know I'm never going to be the husbdand you want. I don't even know what the hell I'm doing half the time, Tifa, but I know when I need to protect people and when that comes above being a father and your boyfriend."

Looking at her properly, he shook his head a little. "I could tell how annoyed you were when I went to get Firion. I could tell how much you wanted to tell me not to go. I'm not stupid, Tifa. But he had no one else, I'm all he has here, and if that means I have to stay in Gaia, then I will."

Clenching and unclenching his fists, Cloud tightened his jaw. "I know Zack vanished. But there is always the chance that he can come back and even if he never does, at least I had the chance to tell him how I felt and apologise for not doing right by him or Aerith." Cloud's eyes shimmered with both anger and sadness. He just wanted to run now. He needed to get away. "I can't be who you want me to be, because I am not going to just sit inside and play dad when people need me."

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The more he said, the more Tifa felt as though she was crumpling inside. She sat back down on the bed, breathing hard as if she'd been in a battle.

"Well, if that's how it is," she said shakily, "if home isn't enough for you... Why did you ask me to marry you?"

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"Because..." And then he paused. For such a long, agonising moment that he just couldn't gather any words to himself for an answer. "Because I did."

Shaking his head a little, Cloud shrugged, reaching to rub one of his eyes, to stop it from tearing up. "I wanted to. I thought it was right to ask you now... but I..." Another pause and Cloud turned for the door, yanking it open. "I'm going out."

And he was already making his way out.

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If that pause was agonising for him, it was torture for Tifa. There were inadequate responses, and then there was that.

"Cloud!" Tifa leapt up and ran after him. "No! Cloud... please, don't go! We need to work this out."

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"I need to go cool off. I can't keep shouting like this. I'll be back." He shook his head and made his way downstairs, frowning at the lack of people in the room and making his way to the garden.

Looking out, he frowned a little more. "Firion. I'm going out. Come with me." His voice was tight and tense; he was on the point of snapping again.

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Tifa followed him, but she couldn't say what she wanted to say when there might be other people listening.

"Cloud..."

It looked as though she'd end up waiting for him yet again. Tifa sank down on the couch in the living room and let out a shaky breath. Firion. As if she didn't feel guilty enough being jealous of Aerith.

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Firion wanted to ask Cloud if he was okay as soon as the pale man walked through the door, but when the blond walked straight up the stairs, he refrained. The kids had been good while Cloud was gone, they stuck to training the dog and generally behaving.

But it seemed that even with Cid and Firion watching over them, Tifa wasn't happy. She also went straight to the bedroom as soon as she had gotten home. When Tifa started shouting and soon after, Cloud, Firion thought it best to usher the kids outside.

They didn't need to hear this. "Come on, let's play with the dog outside. He's been cooped up in the house all day, after all."

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littleprotector.livejournal.com

Marlene had been trying to ignore the fact that both Cloud and Tifa were in bad moods when they came home. She tried to ignore it by playing with the puppy and trying to have Firion explain things to her about how to train the dog and what to do it it does something weird.

But as the shouting got louder and louder, Marlene's smile slowly diminished. By the time Firion told them to go outside, Marlene was upset. Sure, they had got into arguments back home, but nothing like this. "They're not going to stay like this, are they Firion?"

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xnotyetaherox.livejournal.com

The sound of Cloud shouting was one of the worst sounds as far as Denzel was concerned. Things must be bad if he's raising his voice. The boy can't stand to hear Cloud and Tifa argue. But one thing he has learned from Cloud, unintentionally, is that you bottle things up and pretend everything's okay.

He took hold of Marlene's hand. "Everything will be okay, Marlene. I promise."

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Firion gave a soft sigh and knelt before the kids. "They care for each other a lot, so I can't imagine them staying mad at each other for very long. I think both of them just decided to pretend things were okay. Fighting is never any fun but it looks like they kept their anger at bay for just a little too long."

He paused before starting up again. "It's as Denzel says, everything will be okay. I think... I think they both needed this for awhile. Once they cool off, things should go back to normal."

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tinymakoaddict.livejournal.com

Shelke was sitting by the door, looking through her tetra master cards as a way of doing her best to ignore the arguing. She'd heard screaming matches thousands of times in deepground, and many of them had ended in real violence. She'd learned to ignore them. And yet somehow...she couldn't quite seem to ignore this.

She wanted to say something reassuring when she heard Marlene ask her question, but had no idea what, and was rather grateful when Firion and Denzel seemed to know what to say.

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littleprotector.livejournal.com

Even the words of encouragement really didn't help her mood. She squeezed Denzel's hand, sighing. "They better not stay like this..."

She took in a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves, and trying to remember something her daddy used to say. "There ain't no getting off the train that they're on... it's what daddy used to say. Maybe the train just needs to go slower?"

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xnotyetaherox.livejournal.com

Denzel kept hold of Marlene's hand, nodding at her words. "Yeah... a slower train is all they need." After all, no matter how many times Cloud had gone away before, he'd always come home eventually; and he did love them all, right? At least... that's how Denzel saw it.

"Do you think we should go check on Tifa, or should we just stay out here with the dog?"

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Firion sighed. "I suggest staying out here. They need to work this out and I doubt they want you both to listen and see what they are fighting about."

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Firion looked over when Cloud ordered him to go with him. Go with him where?

"Cloud?" Firion stood up with a slight frown. "Where are we going?"

It wasn't really a question of would Firion go with Cloud, it was where and why. Not only that but the kids shouldn't be left alone in this. He doubted Tifa was happy right now and the kids were worried too. What was Cloud doing?

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"I don't know." He didn't have any clue where he planned to go, but he needed to get out.

Turning back, Cloud made his way through to the front door, snatching the Buster Sword off the wall and slamming it against the First Tsurugi, the blades crossed on his back. They were insanely heavy but he could manage them with relative ease. Thanks to the mako.

Heading out, he slipped his sunglasses on and took a slow breath in to try to calm himself down just a little bit.

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