Things Are Never What We Want Them To Be

[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

Characters: Everyone under the Strife-Lockhart roof.
Progress: Ongoing
Summary: Cloud and Tifa have a few choice words for each other
Location: Lindblum
Date: February 1804
Warnings: Screaming, shouting, angst, drama, ohhhh the drama!

[OOC: Cloud and Tifa will have their own thread, the rest of you are welcome to react in a subthread.]


Cloud was feeling pretty unwell after his trip to Wutai. He'd stuck around to check on things in the city and see just what could've caused Sephiroth to get his wing, but all he'd found was that the longer he stayed there the worse he'd started to feel. It had began as a stomach ache but by the time he'd left he was actually throwing up at times. He didn't know what it was but once he set foot in Lindblum, and off the airship, he felt increasingly better. He was still as pale as ever, of course, but at least he didn't feel like he was going to be sick every few minutes.

Stepping through the front door, Cloud headed upstairs right away, not bothering to speak to anyone as he made his way to the bedroom. He was in for a world of hell from Tifa, if she was home. He had his reasons though, and he'd stick by them. The kids had been safe with Firion and Cid, he wasn't going to leave them alone... but he didn't think she'd see it his way.

Comments

[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

Cloud frowned at her, pausing silently for a long moment. He actually hoped Sephiroth did wake up, and that he was sane. He deserved a life as much as they did, or so Cloud thought.

Shrugging again, Cloud wandered over to the window, looking out quietly, unsure of what to say.

"You... would've just gotten mad or told me not to go."

[heartofheaven.livejournal.com]

He wasn't even looking at her when he answered. She hated that. It reminded her of all the other times they'd argued, and Cloud's refusal to face things head-on.

Tifa stood up, her fists clenched. "So you just thought that you wouldn't tell me? You'd leave the children, go over there and come back and everything would be just fine? Didn't it occur to you that that might be worse? Keeping secrets from me? Cloud! Look at me!"

[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

He still didn't look at her. He kept his eyes on the window, not even watching anything in particular, just looking out the window. He frowned quietly for a long while, not saying anything at all.

"I had to go, Tifa. If I'd told you, you would've gotten... like this." He sighed and shook his head a little, his gaze lowering to the floor.

He was tired from the journey and he was fed up of everything these days. Cloud needed his escape that he used to get when he would ride Fenrir but without the bike here, he just felt choked and trapped.

[heartofheaven.livejournal.com]

Turning the blame on her made Tifa feel both guilty and frustrated. She didn't want to argue with him, she really didn't, but she'd bottled this up for too long. Barret would tell him better than me, she thought suddenly. I have to tell him straight.

Striding over to Cloud, Tifa yanked at his arm, hoping to force him to look at her. "Then you should have faced me! Stand up for what you're going to do. If you're going to be a jerk, at least be honest about it. But no... You just ran away."

She turned away and started pacing, tears in her eyes. "Is it me, Cloud? Am I driving you away? I just... Is it too much to ask that the one time I take off and ask you to stay, you actually keep that promise?"

[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

A jerk?! Cloud tensed up as she yanked his arm and while he faced her physically, his gaze was still averted. "I wasn't being a jerk, I was trying to make sure that Sephiroth isn't going to turn on everyone again. How is that behaving like a jerk?"

He clenched his jaw, taking a slight step back from her. "I didn't tell you because I know what you would have said. You would tell me to stop 'being a hero' and to stay and be a dad. I care about those kids, but that's not all I am, Tifa."

Shaking his head a little, he wouldn't answer the question as to whether it was her driving him away. "It isn't too much to ask, but the situation was different. I had a right to see what had happened to Sephiroth. I'm the one who has to fight him again and again..." His voice never once raised, he remained quiet as he spoke, his gaze directed down and to the right, entirely away from her.

[heartofheaven.livejournal.com]

Tifa shook her head angrily. "No. No, I know that. But neither am I. You go off and be a hero, and you expect me to stay at home and be a mom. You asked me to marry you! I thought you wanted us to be a real family. This house - this - this life-" She gestured around the bedroom. "This isn't what I want, not in this world. But the children are our responsibility. You can't just ignore them whenever something comes up and expect me to take up the slack, not if you won't do the same for me. I'm not asking you to choose between being a hero and being a dad, Cloud. I'm asking you to work with me... Talk to me... Please."

[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

"I never ignored them," he snapped, moving around her to sit on the edge of the bed, though he never actually reached the bed, and stood near it instead. His arms crossed his chest tightly and Cloud frowned down at the floor again.

He felt sick. Absolutely, gut-wrenchingly sick. "I don't expect you to stay home and be a mom. Go out, do whatever the hell you want, Tifa. We never worried about one of us always being home before we got here! When we fought the Remnants, when we fought Deepground, we never worried about where Denzel and Marlene were because they're used to this." He dropped his arms to his sides, cleching his fists. "I never once ignored them, because Firion and Cid were here. People they know and trust."

Cloud swallowed thickly, his hands curling tighter. "Just because you don't like Gaia, doesn't mean I have to hate it too. I like it here. It might be a bit mixed up, but so is the Planet. At least here... at least here, everyone I care about can be in one place!" This time? Yeah, Cloud was shouting now.

[heartofheaven.livejournal.com]

Tifa still only knew the basics of what had happened with Deepground, so she couldn't respond to that. But as for the Remnants... "That was different! Kadaj and his gang attacked the city, they kidnapped Marlene and Denzel. We had to fight them."

She shook her head. "And that was back home. It's different here, don't you see? People can disappear at any time."

When he actually shouted at her, Tifa took a step back, her face white with shock. As his words sank in, spots of fury appeared on her cheeks. "But they're not, Cloud! Barret and Yuffie aren't here - did you forget about them? Reeve too! You think everything's going to be all right, with all the people you love back from the dead? What about Zack, huh? He appeared, great, but then he disappeared! And that's what this world is like. Anyone can disappear. That's not good - that's sick and wrong! This whole world is messed up way beyond anything back home. I've been here since last summer, Cloud, and we have to keep trying to make the best of it, but you need to wake up and realise that it's not okay."

[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

"Maybe it's not okay, but home isn't okay either, Tifa. Nothing is okay!" He let out a shaking breath. He wanted to just leave, he was so close to just turning around and walking out the door. He held himself back but he couldn't help himself from continuing to shout at her. He didn't shout often. It took so much to make him this angry, but he'd bottled in more than enough as well.

"I know they're not here, and I miss them too, but I'm willing to stay here because Aerith is here. Then again, even she seems to want to stay away when you and I are in the same place." He took a deep breath and looked like he was about to stop, but he didn't. He just kept going. "I know I'm a bad father to those kids, and I know I'm never going to be the husbdand you want. I don't even know what the hell I'm doing half the time, Tifa, but I know when I need to protect people and when that comes above being a father and your boyfriend."

Looking at her properly, he shook his head a little. "I could tell how annoyed you were when I went to get Firion. I could tell how much you wanted to tell me not to go. I'm not stupid, Tifa. But he had no one else, I'm all he has here, and if that means I have to stay in Gaia, then I will."

Clenching and unclenching his fists, Cloud tightened his jaw. "I know Zack vanished. But there is always the chance that he can come back and even if he never does, at least I had the chance to tell him how I felt and apologise for not doing right by him or Aerith." Cloud's eyes shimmered with both anger and sadness. He just wanted to run now. He needed to get away. "I can't be who you want me to be, because I am not going to just sit inside and play dad when people need me."

[heartofheaven.livejournal.com]

The more he said, the more Tifa felt as though she was crumpling inside. She sat back down on the bed, breathing hard as if she'd been in a battle.

"Well, if that's how it is," she said shakily, "if home isn't enough for you... Why did you ask me to marry you?"

[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

"Because..." And then he paused. For such a long, agonising moment that he just couldn't gather any words to himself for an answer. "Because I did."

Shaking his head a little, Cloud shrugged, reaching to rub one of his eyes, to stop it from tearing up. "I wanted to. I thought it was right to ask you now... but I..." Another pause and Cloud turned for the door, yanking it open. "I'm going out."

And he was already making his way out.

[heartofheaven.livejournal.com]

If that pause was agonising for him, it was torture for Tifa. There were inadequate responses, and then there was that.

"Cloud!" Tifa leapt up and ran after him. "No! Cloud... please, don't go! We need to work this out."

[loveandstrife.livejournal.com]

"I need to go cool off. I can't keep shouting like this. I'll be back." He shook his head and made his way downstairs, frowning at the lack of people in the room and making his way to the garden.

Looking out, he frowned a little more. "Firion. I'm going out. Come with me." His voice was tight and tense; he was on the point of snapping again.

[heartofheaven.livejournal.com]

Tifa followed him, but she couldn't say what she wanted to say when there might be other people listening.

"Cloud..."

It looked as though she'd end up waiting for him yet again. Tifa sank down on the couch in the living room and let out a shaky breath. Firion. As if she didn't feel guilty enough being jealous of Aerith.